Once Upon a Time, I had a blog. . . . . when my kids were still in preschool, kindergarten & elementary school. These are "diary entries" from then. I'm so happy that I documented along the way. These memories and thoughts are precious to me. They'll be mixed in with modern day musings as well. I hope it helps you know that all mothers are both perfect & imperfect in their own ways. . . . . and we're all just doing our best and trying to raise productive, happy humans.

Letting Go, Coming Back

January 7, 2011

I have a very hard time letting go of my kids. This is The Builder’s 4th year of school. He did both a 3-year old and a 4-year old preschool class and then he did a Pre-K class. Now, he’s in Kindergarten and it’s actually his 4th year of school. And we are already half way through this year. But, this morning after I dropped him off, I watched as he walked into the classroom where all the kids wait (I can see from outside). And I got sad. I saw him have his own life with his own friends and I got sad.

Of course I want him to have his own life. People aren’t meant to stay with their parents forever. To love them forever, yes. But, not live with them forever. It is our job as parents to raise kids to be independent, free thinking, capable people. They need to go out into the world and live their own lives and hopefully do it in a way that makes the world a better place. But, and I’ll say it again, it’s so hard to let them go.

This is when I have to put my trust in God. I need to pray to Him to help me build relationships with my kids that will last. To build relationships that will make them want to be in a relationship with me for life. Then, when I let them go, I know that they’ll be back and we’ll still have a relationship that will make both of us happy.

I have to say that my parents must have done a good job at this, because I love my parents dearly. I was the one who grew up and moved away. I don’t know that I’m making the world a better place, but I am for the most part independent, free thinking and capable. And I do still love to see my parents. I want to have a relationship with them. Which makes me think, that I sure need to call them more. I am the daughter that I don’t want my kids to become. I don’t call enough! I moved 1100 miles away!! But, I will always go back and I know that I will always have a good relationship with my parents. It’s funny that becoming a parent really helps you to understand what your own parents went through. It really is the circle of life.

And this weekend sometime, I WILL call my mom!

UPDATE: As far as building relationships with my kids, I am still trying to stop what I’m doing to listen to my kids. This is definitely a challenge for me still. I actually had to stop writing this no less than 20 times to help or listen to Future Fashionista.  Before I started, I tried to find something that she could do, while I was doing this. Since we’re still not watching TV during the day, we had to find something else for her to do. But, we both made it through. And now, I’m going to go color with her. The dishes and laundry will wait. And I’m sure that my friends who are coming over tomorrow will understand why my house isn’t perfectly clean.

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